Tired and unmotivated.

So I was 1/2 asleep last night on the couch and saw this commercial... it literally woke me up because I've been very unmotivated with my daily running and just can't get past it all seeming like a big HUGE CHORE right now....

I had to share with you all... the link is below to the You Tube ... thank goodness for You Tube :)

The general wording is..... guilt... works with me every time :) lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJFsE4bz_SQ

Running knows when you cheat on it...
Running knows when temptation may lead you astray...
Running knows when you're thinking of calling the whole thing off...
BUT both you and running know you won't....
And nothing spices up a relationship like a hot sweaty make up run...

lolol

I'm hoping for my hot sweaty make-up run today.... I'm feeling I need it after taking Mon & Tues off....

Here I sit, at my desk... working away on things that don't mean anything to me... and the world keeps spinning... and I'm just at a really stagnant point (ironically with all the movement I'm doing)...

I've also gained 4lbs.... I know - muscle is building and weighs more than fat... and I'm eating a lot... so I'm going to try and cut down these next few weeks... I also need to figure out if I'm either wheat intolerant or if the carbs are just killing me and my eczema.... because it's awful right now. Could be in addition to running outside, being allergic to the pollen and it all having an effect...

I need encouragement everyone!!!!! Help!!!!

Love
Curly

I See What I Sing

Mental Memorial...

Oy Vey it's not getting easier.... okay that's a lie... I guess I'm improving in time and yes, at points it's easier... but it's hard to run!

You think I would have figured that out before committing to the 26.2! HHHAHA

So last weekend, I skipped my recovery run... which resulted in my running 5.35 miles Sunday, 3.15 Monday & 5 on Tuesday...skipped Wed Thurs & Friday... so I knew I HAD to do my long run today... I'm averaging around 11 minutes per mile on the longer runs and 9ish on the 3 miles now.

If you can even believe it - which I didn't... I ran 6.19 miles today ... stopped twice for about a minute each time because of a cramp in my side and caught my breath... and ran an average pace of 10.10. I finished those miles in just over an hour 1.03 to be exact.

So as brutal as it may have seemed, I guess I'm pushing myself without realizing it - or my body is making the natural progression to push itself....

Tomorrow I head out to Montauk. Going to do a little run to the lighthouse from my brothers house in Ditch Plains. That should be fun...

It was an emotionally taxing week, I enjoyed drinking a few nights... and really didn't eat foods that would give me energy, more that would comfort and feed the hunger.... I'm sure that played on my being so incredibly tired. Skipping 3 days in a row from running right now is just not really what I need to be doing. Even if I do short runs, I have to get something in.

After all is said and done, those are my legs I need to rely on for this marathon... and my mind, and my drive.... and all of you hopefully out there somewhere on the route with signs and water and love and hugs to give me....

Thanks again for all the support...time to stretch and get into the lovely bathtub :)

Curly
xoxoxxo

p.s. What honestly helps me is wearing some kinda gear that says marathon on it... got this shirt a week or so after I started training... it makes me proud and pumps me up a little.... everyone tells me that's run they do the same thing... have things that inspire them... make them feel in the "running" :)

Sunday lazies

I don't know what happens, but maybe the weeks have been so long and difficult to me incorporating the running, and lately I've had unexpected things on the weekends, but I've been missing my 3 mile runs... and switching my long runs to Sundays.... and even then, it's been such a game with myself to get outta the house!

I have to start with getting the running gear on... then throw on the socks... then sit and stare at the shoes for a while, knowing the journey they will take me on (see picture) put on the shoes.... and sit there for a while mapping out my run on www.mapmyrun.com ... get the iPod ready.... keys ready.... ugh.... tired... don't feel like it, but out I go...

Gavin DeGraws song "I Don't Wanna Be" came on.... which is such a great song for my head space when I run lately and has a wicked guitar part that kicks off the song... the chorus says:

I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately
All I have to do is think of me and I have peace of mind
I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wondering what I gotta do
Or who I'm supposed to be
I don't want to be anything other than me

So that started the run off with a lot of fuel... then it started to drizzle (which was the reason I made myself go as well, because I assumed the rain was just going to get worse)... and I was going to turn back 14 times in the first 4 minutes ... hahah... sad but true... I guess for my my first 2 miles are the most brutal for me... I take a while to warm up... and so I have to play the head game with myself to keep on running. I literally have to take it lap by lap.

My recent thing is to run the loop around Fort Green Park... it's a lot of up hill down hill which is great for training... on a paved path, but I can run on and off the grass at times... basically it's challenging enough and familiar enough. Also parts of it have enough trees to cover parts of the path from a light rain.

Running in the rain was the best part of the day. Note to self, next paycheck get better clothes to run in the rain with. All in all, totally refreshing and wasn't coming down hard enough to warrant me going back... so with all the distractions of my park, the rain, I wound up doing 5.5 miles out of the 6 I was suppose to do. Which for me today I am happy with based on feeling so exhausted this weekend.

So that means extra run day tomorrow to make up for Saturday, and also, I've read to make sure and do a small recovery run after my long run days. I made a healthy dinner and I'm ready to watch Extreme Home Makeover and cry my eyes out :) lol

Happy Sunday... I hope you ease into the night and dream of things that give you peace,

Curly
xo

Run with friends!!!

Ran with two friends yesterday.... Jenna & Sean... they both said "ohhh I haven't run in yearrrrsss" but yet, both were jaunting along effortlessly... Needless to say - they later told me they ran track, cross country, etc, were track stars, track gods/goddesses!!!

They pushed me, and it was wonderful.... time is improving, and I could actually breath on the bridge - as opposed to last week with the shortness of breath because of the allergies (thank you again Dr. Schulman!!)..

More about this later, but MOST importantly, I wanted to thank my FIRST POSTER of comments.... the lovely Leslie Hinck.... THANK YOU LESLIE... you are a wonderful first poster...

Learning, growing and sore....

I am active... I always view myself as kinda lazy... I guess that's the overachiever in me... but what can I do, I had parents that were constantly in motion... so they set the bar high!

So when I have a softball game with work - and have a run day ... what do I do? Of course, I RUN to the SOFTBALL GAME.. :) lol

Running up the west side bike/skate path in New York is challenging to say the least... but it's better than running the Brooklyn Bridge right after work. It's much less crowded, and while you have to deal with the bikes, skaters, mom's with stroller/bike things whizzing by you because at times the path is really narrow, it wasn't that bad. I plotted out the course from work to the game (which was on 53rd and 11th) as about 4.8 miles. Usually on Tuesdays I only run 3... so I decided to walk the first mile, and try and run the rest... I did the 3.8 in about 42 minutes. I was tired because I missed my recovery run on Sunday. Note - yes, a 3 mile run in my life is now viewed as "recovery"... :) I guess that's something to be thankful for!

I must say, every time I run, for the first 2 miles, I feel like "OH MY GOD I WAS NUTS TO EVER AGREE TO RUN A MARATHON"... hahahahahah. Then eventually I sink into feeling okay - but I still have to be conscious the whole time of my frame, relaxing, my breathing, relaxing.. and mostly ... relaxing. I see other runners and they look so... I don't know - at peace and in the zone. I always think I look like my head is about to explode. :) I've also learned a little to stop caring about what I look like when I run.

So I did the run... made it in decent time... got to the game.. and played catcher the first 4 innings....

Telegraph to self.

Self - Do not run and play catcher the same day. STOP Your legs are going to want to kick you in the head the next day STOP Remember this the next time you get into the crazy-multi-task-running headspace STOP... AND JUST STOP. :)

I think possibly if I would have run in the morning, and not right before the game - maybe it would have made a difference... and next time, I'll try that! lol

Other issue right now is my eczema... naturally (not intentionally) increasing my carbs because I'm running so much is causing my eczema to go NUTS! The way I linked was through my wonderful MD who deals mostly with natural supplements and acupuncture for treating patients. He mentioned yesterday when I was complaining about it, that I should cut my carbs because often times eating them are linked to eczema and those types of conditions/diseases.

So I'm going to start reading up on what I can do to replace the carbs and still be fueled... any ideas out there let me know... of course increasing the protein is the obvious choice, but will that really cure my insatiable appetite??

Whew. Day off today - thanks be to G-d... off to a songwriters circle tonight as my reward (and research for the first songwriters circle I'm performing in next month)...

All in all, learning, growing... and sore :) As you can see from the picture, my eyes were tired !!!!!

Thanks for reading... and sharing with me...

Curly
xo

Busy busy busy

So everyone is busy - and I am no exception...

I play softball with my company and we have a game tonight... it is also my regular Tuesday run day... and thankfully our game is late (7:30) so I'm going to run to the field from work (thank God for NYC!!)...

It's a longer run than I usually do on Tuesdays, but I've been advised it's fine for me to do... I may be a little tired for the game, but I'm thinking I may also be nice and warm and ready to go! Since may last run was the 6+ miles on Saturday, I'm ready for a decent outing...

Feeling a little better from the allergies always helps put me in the mood to actually do something other than sit on the couch, watch Family Guy and order in sushi.. ;)

Saturday's Long Run

I can't say that today was easier than last week.

I think that even though I was tired last Sunday when I completed the 6.24 - I had run for the two days prior... it seemed more managable maybe? I'm not really sure...

Possibly being emotional about my Uncles passing and the past few days... the memories it all brings up... it's hard, every time one of my parents brothers or sisters dies... it just brings you *or me rather* right back. So I thought running would be a great way of getting it out today, but it just wasn't.

HOWEVER, I did it. The sense of accomplishment I felt, even though I was feeling really fatigued in my legs... and even though I cried probably 2 -3 times during the hour and 9 minutes it took me, I didn't stop... I didn't stop... I did not stop.

This running thing... maybe I'm seeing much like a love affair... you've got to put the work in... it's not always pretty... it's sometimes really much effort and a little painful.. .but man, it feels good and it's worth it...

I sit here and know I didn't cave in, that I could over come the crap of the days, and just stay strong. It's been years of caving in, and maybe finally I care enough about myself to really do something for ME.

Now I must go and take a nice hot bath... order some yummy food... and ease into the night....

I was lucky to get to stop by my parents grave today - I have to say, of course I'm a little sad when I go there, I just don't go often. The cemetery is quite beautiful... actually it's funny - there is a lake in the cemetery - and long before my parents passed, they used to go and sit on the bench and feed the ducks /geese in the lake.... they loved it there and always admired the grounds and the flowers... so I had to take a picture of their pretty gravestone we designed, with all the pink petals that have fallen off the cherry blossoms all over... they made a pink path to drive through the cemetery in.... if you have to go, I'd like a pink path for the road to my eternity... :)

Sad news....

My sweet Uncle Pete died yesterday ...

Brings back a lot of memories of my parents passing... he was my mother's oldest brother... and he and my Aunt Nancy just celebrated (with all of us there) their 60th wedding anniversary... amazing...

These are the days when I want to just go out and run.... and then again, I want to just stay home and sit.

So with the rain, my allergies and the sadness, we'll see which choice I make... I guess this marathon journey is all about what choices we make about running when real-life "interferes"...

xo
Curly

Off day....

I have been looking forward to Mondays & Wednesdays more now than ever - as they are my off days from running ! lol

I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm starting to love to run... but still fatigued and tired and working my way into the whole way of life/eating/sleeping more, etc.... so I like the "rest" :)

The allergies are status quo ... but I go to the most wonderful doctor in the land today - Dr. Robert Schulman... I am looking forward to telling him what's going on with me physically (with all the training) and see if there's any supplements I can take (for the allergies and breathing)... I'm not too keen on taking any over the counter meds for anything, so he's the perfect doctor for me... I'm thinking I'll get a little acupuncture for the breathing treatment too...

That's it for today... please comment if you're reading ... any words of support or advice are most appreciated...

Curly
xo

Today's run... ouch....

So ran my usual Tuesday 3 miles over the bridge... but a few different factors came into play in a major - loss - of - breath - way...

Allergies... definitely have some nasal stuff going on... but didn't notice my breathing changing... but definitely don't feel up to my usual self. I ran today with Jenna from my work. She and I play softball together... she's probably 6 inches or more taller than me, and has run (though not consistently in years) on long distance track team back in her hey days ( lol).... So we have to stride difference...

So we start out, and she admittedly starts out fast and burns out a bit... and consider that her fast is my super-fast! So I lag back a bit when we get onto the steepest part of the bridge, and I notice, that I cannot take a really full breath.

Now I didn't get to really say what I was feeling after Sunday when I ran my personal 6.24 mile best and ran for over 1 hour ... it was the most incredibly humbling and proud moment that I can recall having. I pushed myself and wasn't at all tired or out of breath or anything...

So running today, I'm thinking it must be the allergies that are effecting my breathing this significantly... because I've not ever had problems the last 3 times I've run the bridge...

Jenna goes ahead.... we catch each other on the way back, I stay with her pretty much the whole time except for in the middle... but I'm jogging... only stopped to walk twice for about 20-30 seconds each time...

Jenna was great coaching me, and I have to say it made a world of difference or else I may have wound up just walking it...

So okay - this is for the ladies... I have a problem with sports bras cutting me right in the ribs by my lungs, hence another issue for breathing, besides having some allergy/asthma thing today. I was sort of diagnosed with asthma when I was about 8 or 9... Dr. Lee told my mother "your daughter has slight asthma" My mother replied, "no, she doesn't have asthma"...

So I "never had asthma" - but I'm thinking it may be allergy/exercise related. Good thing I'm seeing the most amazing Dr. Schulman tomorrow, I'm sure he'll have some supplement I could take for this or some natural medicine for me to choose...

Jenna even said, "well this is a nice little brutal run" ... it really is... today especially. But we did it, thanks to J... and I've gotten through another day of committing to my training and following through with this dream.

If I can complete this, I feel like the world is going to open up in ways I've never realized it could.

One day at a time.... patience... and cherishing myself.

Curly
xoxoo

Day after Cinco de Mayo

So I had two margaritas last night... that lead to two glasses of chardonnay...
I'm not a huge drinker anymore... but felt like since I finished my 6.24 mile run on Sunday when I thought I really couldn't do it, that I deserved the libations!!!!!

Well, why not just bite off my nose to spite my face. lol Not only are the allergies killing me from running through the parks on Sunday...but I woke up a million times last night parched and sweaty and allergy ridden and yucky.

So I guess some adjustments are going to naturally happen with socializing and stuff that's not so good for my body.

The past few weeks....

I guess I have to say, the past few weeks of initial training have really made me understand the commitment I've taken on, and how much my daily re-commitment is needed for me to finish this crazy race. :)

I used to be a 5' tall 162lbs at my highest weight, and thought I'd never ever EVER be able to run a mile - let alone take on a marathon. So this is all new, scary, exciting, overwhelming, blissful, empowering and anything else you can describe a right of transition in your life.

My friend Jamie likened it to having her baby... she said it's a lot like labor... you'll be out of your mind, in pain, crying, laughing and not know how you're gonna get through it... but when you do, it's one of the most (if not the most) rewarding moment of your life.

I'm hoping for all of that... and with all this running, the emotional, spiritual and mental journey as well.